Jewelry Parent Concerned about Sexual Predators 2

Parents should teach their children to be alert of dangers without robbing them of their childhood and happiness. Aside from letting my kids sketch alongside me when I am designing sterling silver components, I make an effort to engage them in conversations about being careful when I am not there with them.

Continued from Jewelry Parent Concerned about Sexual Predators 1 here are some more tips and advice from a parenting coach:

Help define who is a stranger, who is family, who is within the circle of friends. Parents should spell out who is included in the circle of family, and then who is considered a family friend, and so on. Rules of engagement should be clearly defined, age appropriately, for the child. This way, the child will easily be able to identify who is a stranger, and know not to accept candies or go home with them. I have no problems telling our children if a sterling silver component is a clasp or a piece of chain. My four year old knows what to do when she sees something that looks like a clasp. Teaching them how to classify is important in everything we do. It is a basic tool, and in this case, an important one for survival.

Don't force your children to be affectionate to everyone. We all want our children to be polite to strangers and, especially, our friends. We want them to show affection to, even asking them to kiss, our friends and acquaintances, many of whom our children have just met. There are sometimes social expectations that polite children should do this. Parents sometimes get upset when they child is too shy to show such social graces. However, this tells a child that being affectionate to strangers is politeness and expected of them. Parents certainly don't want their child to be affectionate to strangers in the park. So, it is much better not to force a child to kiss, and instead to teach them how to say hello politely, or not say anything at all to a stranger in the park.

I have a few other personal beliefs along the same line:

Live in the safest neighbourhood you can possibly afford. My husband wanted to live in a more socio-economically mixed neighbourhood. He felt that our children should not be sheltered in a safe and affluent neighbourhood, not appreciating how other less fortunate people live. There have been many cases of abductions and murders by transient and criminal neighbours. My husband is an ideologue, but naive. I vetoed it reflexively. He has since changed his mind also. Designing sterling silver components is not financially very rewarding. If I have to, I'd make more jewellery and sales to live in a safer environment for my children. You can't control your neighbours, but you can choose where you live, and by doing so, you have already reduced the risks significantly.

Monitor play date environments. Play dates are great, but only if the environment is safe. Take it slow, have a few meals or outings with the other parents. Try to covertly find out what kind of environment they will provide your child, and what could happen when you are not present, and whether or not it is acceptable to you. Don't make it like a job interview or interrogation, but close. I know many parents raise an eyebrow when they hear that I design sterling silver components for a living. Stability is on their minds, too.

Put contact information with your child when the child is going out. I usually write a note "If I am separated from my parents, please call: ...." with all of the contact information. I do this even if I am going out with them, in case we become separated in a crowd. I also made a necklace with sterling silver components that could encase a little note in the locket. I made it unique and a bit interesting figuring that if a policeman found her, they were certain to ask her about the necklace or check it out.

Teach your child her full name and the parents' names as early as possible. At age two we taught our child to recite and spell out her full name and our first names, with the hope that in case she gets lost, and does not have our contact information on her, she could tell the authorities who she is and our names for easy contact. My older daughter liked pretty jewellery from an early age. I taught her to say Stones and Findings. It was not necessary, and a bit silly, but anything helps.

Be present. One of my friends was molested repeatedly by a sport instructor after sessions. You also hear about horrors of hockey coaches. If it is a private session, be present, or in the next room, and preferably with access to video monitoring. Be present, bring your sterling silver components and work on some designs to past the time, and insist on no alone time after sessions. If you cannot pick them up, ask a parent you can trust to help drop your child off. It is sick, but you do hear often paedophiles drawn to working with children for easier access. Minimize this access. Let the instructors know that you are involved and take an active interest in your child's safety.

To go back and read the first half of this article, Jewelry Parent Concerned about Sexual Predators 1 you can click here.

Toronto Bead Stores

Toronto bead stores are many. They are dotted throughout Toronto and the surrounding suburbs. However, I actually think there is room for a few more bead stores that are specialized, catering to better quality and unique findings. The population of this city is sophisticated, well read and up to date with fashion. We have some very creative and talented citizens. And in many artistic industries, Toronto has produced some world class artists, from fashion to film, to fine arts. Although Toronto bead stores are numerous, and they're doing a good job, I've seen much better stores in other parts, where the population is smaller, and in my view, the where people are not necessarily more artistic. Toronto offers great opportunities for a brave and creative would be bead store owner.

There is a famous enclave of bead stores along Queen Street, west of Spadina. Arton Beads Craft is wonderful, packed full, price competitive and have been there for as long as Torontonians can remember. They're the first to be there and Alice, the owner, is very kind, highly educated, artistic and passionate about her work and her low prices, of course. Arton Beads Craft waited a few years for her neighbour's lease to expire and took over next door to open a new concept store. It carries semi-precious stones, sterling silver and cubic zirconia. Arton Beads Craft started out carrying inexpensive basemetal findings and buttons, with occasional crystals.

Across the street from her is the nemesis store, Bling Bling. It is a very spacious place by comparison, and they're rapidly moving up the competition by directly importing their own pearls and stones. Prices for these are low. There are a few more bead stores in that area with similar merchandise, with focus on lower prices. The Crystal Bead Shop, like it's name suggests, focuses on crystals. Fancy Gems and Accessories has some finished jewellery as well as components. They are situated along Queen Street within 2 blocks of one another.

The only downtown Toronto Bead Store in that enclave that is catering to a different market is The Beadery. I really like the decor of that store. It is packed with merchandise, much of which is imported from the Philippines and China. The presentation is different and a lot of thought has gone into merchandising it. The prices are a lot higher than the other stores, though I believe they offer 30% wholesale discount if you purchase over $500.

It is rumoured that The Sassy Bead Co has recently closed their Toronto store. The head office is in Ottawa and there are a few locations there. They focus on cheap and cheerful. They like to buy end lots from the basements of novelty and bead wholesalers in New York, things which have not seen the light of day for many years. Those beads are cheap, bought by the pound, but unique and no longer in production. They had done well for themselves for a long time on high margins. However, I think it takes more to be a successful when there is so much competition amongst Toronto Bead Stores.

The staff at Bead FX is wonderful. Their store front, located in Scarborough, is smaller than most of their competitors. However, they do most of their business online. They have a strong presence in Czech beads and seed beads. Their staff are artistic, with great colour sense, and all make jewellery. They have many classes and a special equipment for glass bead making classes.

The Bead Junction is located in the Junction part of Toronto, around Queen and Roncesvalles area. It is nicely kept and the ladies at the store hold many classes. They're very strong in seed beads. There are a few more Toronto Bead Stores that do largely online sales. They also exhibit at the Toronto Bead Oasis Show. It's a worthwhile venue to visit, however, to get a more complete flavour of what they offer, it is always best to visit the stores. If you don't see something you are looking for, it is very important to ask. They may not have thought about bringing it in because they believe they do not have a market for it. But if you ask, you might just get. Beading is a very interesting and flexible business. I have a strong feeling that we're just at the cusp of a great leap for Toronto Bead Stores.

A Jewellery Component Designer's Parenting Concerns - Sexual Predators 1

When I am not sketching out sterling silver component designs, I read newspapers and parenting magazines. The news of Jaycee Dugard, who was abducted and kept in captivity for the last 19 years, is all over the news. As a mother of two young girls, I cannot help but to be deeply affected by this news. It is every parent's nightmare. And my immediate instinct is to think about how I can safeguard my own children from those exact circumstances, and then some.
It is often said that we cannot live our lives in fear, and that fear and panic can instil unhealthy insecurities in our children. I've been fighting fears of sexual predators, road safety, gang crimes, abductions for ransom or revenge (even though my husband and I have neither significant wealth nor enemies to think of - I design sterling silver components and my husband is a computer programming nerd) even before my children were born. After the birth of my first child, I noticed that I was constantly agitated and distracted. I was obsessively worried about hot stoves, suffocation and my daughter falling from heights. I found out that this condition was totally natural and a part of our evolutionary programming as parents to ensure the safeguard and survival of our children. Although this was comforting that I was not losing my mind, it did not diminish my compulsion to search for ways to maximize child safety at every turn. I try to keep panic from my voice when I speak to my husband about new plans and safeguards that I've just lost the previous night's sleep over. I certainly try to stay calm when explaining the new plans to my kids, editing my words very carefully.

Four of my friends were sexually molested at a young age, two by their teacher/instructor, one by a fellow student at a prestigious boarding school, and one by an older boy who lived in the neighbourhood. That is a significant percentage considering how small my circle of friends is, and it also goes to show you that it can happen anywhere. I don't want to send you into a panic, but outside the world of sterling silver components horrible things do happen. Thankfully, there are some things that we can do about it. I was lucky, and I want to ensure that my children have the same luck. I've heard there are books out there geared towards young readers as young as 5 years old about safety precautions and how to report any incidents of abusive to an adult. I have yet to get my hands on any of these books, but I've been in dialogue with my parenting coach about conversations I should have with my children and some things that I can do about it.

Parents should teach their children to be alert of dangers without robbing them of their childhood and happiness. Aside from letting my kids sketch alongside me when I am designing sterling silver components, I make an effort to engage them in conversations about being careful when I am not there with them.

Here is my parenting coach's advice:

Teach your children the difference between private parts and public parts. Teach your child which parts are not okay for others to touch and which are okay. You can use a doll to illustrate. I told my daughter that people, other than mom and dad, grandma and grandpa and her nanny, should not touch her private parts. And she should not touch other people's parts, either, even as a joke. And when our family members touch there, it is only when we are helping her bathe. And since she's now potty trained, we don't need to help her wipe there anymore. Later on, I gently reinforced it and told her that she should tell my husband and I, and her teacher, if anyone tried to touch her there. And we talked about respecting other people's privacy.

Help children develop their gut instinct for danger signs. Everyone is born with natural instincts. Over the years, my instincts for which sterling silver components will be popular have become sharpened. Children's instinct for danger need to be further developed and it helps to articulate the feelings for a small child. My parenting coach suggested that when my daughter and I are out shopping or watching a movie, we should bring up the topic. For example, if we were in a grocery store and there was a stranger standing uncomfortably close, or an unkempt person walking by, we should discuss it immediately afterwards. You could say something like "Ooh, that stranger made me feel uncomfortable (or weird). I didn't like it. It felt strange (or I was a little scared). Let's go away from here quickly. I don't like being here." By saying something like this, you are saying that it is okay to feel uncomfortable and not know what it was exactly, but that it was best to leave. As the child grows older, the language and description can be a bit more detailed and analysis more in depth.

Help children understand that not all adults are right or good. It is bad advice to say "you should always listen to adults" or "do as you're told" or "do what your teacher says" (mind you, I'd like to make clear now that I believe 99.9% of teachers are good and they chose their profession for noble reasons and I support teachers and appreciate their hard work). When I teach my children's friends how to make jewellery with sterling silver components, I often test them to with silly things that don't work, or pieces missing. And I show them that I'm sometimes wrong. Many parents, for good intentions, tell their children to do as adults tell them. But not all adults are good and it is difficult for a young child to take this advice and be able to avoid instances of abuse when they encounter the bad ones. You should tell your children "Not all adults are good. Most of them are, but sometimes there are ones that are not. They are not always right. We should listen to our inner voice and decide for ourselves if they are right or not. If we don't think they are, we should tell them. If they are strangers, you should leave right away and tell mom and dad." Being an artist has helped me in this department. I'm sometimes wrong about certain sterling silver components or bead colours. The world is subjective. I don't need to be perfect and my children are fairly quick to point out where some things don't work and I encourage them to go with their gut.

To read part two of A Jewellery Component Designer's Parenting Concerns Sexual Predators II click here.